i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize