soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
