but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
this just has baby written all over it
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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