Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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