4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
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weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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