Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's shark week go big or go home
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
