either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
