I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
