I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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