why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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