oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
