if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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