I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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