Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
