His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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