my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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