This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
