I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
