Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
