you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
