To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
