Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
