I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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