Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
