I met the friendliest cop last night
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize