Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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