Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
