I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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