I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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