i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
