it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
