Plan B is the new Plan A
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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