Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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