just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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