oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
