I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
