This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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