My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think your dad took our porno
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
