My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We were destined to go to rehab together
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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