just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You are the jesus of drinking
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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