My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
