Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
