you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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