I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
