I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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