he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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