I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
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I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
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I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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