sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
