I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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