That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I touched a dick in church today
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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