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went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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