i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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