i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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