I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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