Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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