i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
