Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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