youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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