A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
