if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
