You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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