But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
