I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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