you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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