one word: firstdatebathroomanal
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize