Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
NoShamevember. You game?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
