there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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