I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
