My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
if only i could text you this smell
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
