there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
