i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
